Family Falling

Trying to come to terms with co-parenting is pretty gripping stuff sometimes. Sure, there are benefits to the job. Benefits over raising your kids with the partner -- the mom, in my case -- still in the picture. For starters, you get half the week off, which is sweet after a few days of wiping butts and cleaning up after rugrats.

But for those of us who went into the job of parenting believing in the old school concept of family that includes a Dad and a Mom, with crumb snatchas, it can be an ongoing, tough transition to DIY.

My ex and I started off co-parenting as brilliantly as we did our relationship. She thought I was the best thing since triple orgasms; I thought she was the most beautiful woman I'd ever meet.

Of course, people change, and a seven year age difference started to weigh in after a couple years together. I believe she meant well, but well, we fell into the nagging wife/pissed off husband trip pretty quickly. The conceit of contempt grew into our happy come and we let it slowly disolve what we once thought were life long bonds.

I recall one of the hardest moments during our breakup. She was leaving, she said. I was dumbstruck. This wasn't my idea of family, giving up on eachother. We can make it, I tried to argue. We're still a great couple, we just need work. Counseling. Talk. Anything but giving up hope.

Her response? It may not be your idea of a family, but it is mine. This is how I grew up. That's my family, divorce, divorce, affair, divorce, remarriage, etc, etc... What she said hit me like a blow to the stomach. She'd never said this before, had she? After these two (short, in retrospect) years, could I really have missed this important difference in philosophy?

Well I had.

I digress.

Co-parenting for us had noble beginnings. We split the week evenly. We communicated regularly, discussed our daughter's education, her future, her needs. We respected that the other had different parenting styles, but maintained awareness of many of those differences. Our daughter was, and seems still to be well adjusted to the changes that I took so harshly. And we will continue to communicate on some level, I expect.

Strange, when I talk with friends about the situation, and say I really want nothing to do with her anymore, they say in unfailing unison, ah, but she'll always be in your life. Yes, true. But there is a great difference between daily calls replete with the excitement of talking to someone you love and were in love with and once a week or so conversations with someone you resent deeply.

Ahh, the horror.

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